when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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