OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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