If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
