i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
