Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
