My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
so much tequila, so little girl.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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