You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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