Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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