whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
