I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
