I just cut my nipple shaving
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
