i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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