So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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