I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
