I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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