what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
