you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
