last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
