She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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