Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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