u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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