I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
