did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
