i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
