drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize