ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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