On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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