i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
