wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
