Nicole vs. Life
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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