you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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