Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just found puke in my bra..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
