She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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