it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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