Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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