After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
