i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
