Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
