No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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