guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
