I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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