He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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