I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
