my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
