i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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