Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
