Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
