I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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