when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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