So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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