somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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