Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
