Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
