Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
