girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
