I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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