I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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