i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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