I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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