I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
