she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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