I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
