Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
