Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize