when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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