She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My butt remains clenched, sir.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
