I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
