I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
