All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
