We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
its not stalking. its research.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's never too late to be topless.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
