I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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