epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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