I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
