i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
