Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my sisters under your porch take her home
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
