wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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